Hi Jennifer,

Thanks for illustrating the very point I was trying to make — successful women, regardless of race, are often deemed as too aggressive, too masculine, too “bossy”. Even beyond Chinese culture, I can’t help shake the feeling that I might be penalized for being good at my job. There’s an unspoken truth and tradeoff to being a SINK (single income no kids) woman who’s career-oriented and financially independent.

I was born under the single child act in China. My grandma on my dad’s side asked my parents if they would like to send me to the countryside as an undocumented child so my parents could try again for a son. My mother said “fuck no” and my dad was like “she’s cute, we’ll keep her.” So being a girl who feels overlooked for the boys in the family is a deep seeded complex of mine. Your response was the best thing I could have asked for. I feel vindicated in some ways. Subconsciously, I think I’ve wanted to beat out all the boys in the Ren family to prove to my grandma and male-favoritism that I can do just as well if not better than the boys.

I felt very conflicted with my identity growing up as a token Asian American girl in predominantly white Portland, OR. There were periods of me hating my Chinese side, wishing I didn’t have to be torn between assimilating to white culture or being Chinese. But now I’m starting to see that my bilateral cultural literacy gives me incredible strength in adapting to any culture and connecting with people from all walks of life. I’m a multicultural chameleon :) Thanks again for your kind note and I wish you a stellar 2017! Keep rocking in the free world.